When writing a wedding ceremony I try to look at each couples love story and determine what reading or poem may fit best with their specific love story. And not every wedding ceremony needs a reading or poem, but when they do, I have a few I've saved over time. Let us visit a one of my favorites. 


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To Love is Not to Possess by James Kavanaugh  
I really like this poem because of this line "Love is to join and separate" 

To love is not to possess,
To own or imprison,
Nor to lose one’s self in another.
Love is to join and separate,
To walk alone and together,
To find a laughing freedom
That lonely isolation does not permit.
It is finally to be able
To be who we really are
No longer clinging in childish dependency
Nor docilely living separate lives in silence,
It is to be perfectly one’s self
And perfectly joined in permanent commitment
To another–and to one’s inner self.
Love only endures when it moves like waves,
Receding and returning gently or passionately,
Or moving lovingly like the tide
In the moon’s own predictable harmony,
Because finally, despite a child’s scars
Or an adult’s deepest wounds,
They are openly free to be
Who they really are–and always secretly were,
In the very core of their being
Where true and lasting love can alone abide.

If you have never been married or attended a wedding ceremony, heck even if you have you may not know how this whole wedding reading thing goes. Let me give a bit of insight as to how to select a reading for your wedding ceremony and who should read it. 

First let's begin at the beginning, what is a wedding ceremony reading? 

When drafting a wedding ceremony script I often reflect on what the couple has told me about their relationship and if there is a reading that fits nicely into this theme. If so, I will add a reading. Sometimes couples want to keep the ceremony short and we don't add a reading. Wedding ceremony readings are optional. 

You can google "wedding ceremony reading" and get so many results that the options seem endless, so how do you pick the right one for you? Well it's simple, start reading them and when you get stuck on one because it resonates with you for reasons unexplainable, or you thing its beautiful and reflects your own thoughts on your relationship then you've found it! As with everything else wedding ceremony related I believe your ceremony reading should reflect your version of love and your version of marriage. I have my favorites but some of my very most favorites have been shown to me by the couple themselves.

Who does the wedding reading? This is a great moment to invite that special person in your life to be a part of your wedding ceremony, to recite a reading you have selected during the ceremony. However, make sure this person is agreeable to the task, present it as an option, public speaking is not everyone's forte or comfort zone, so be sensitive to their own abilities and comforts when asking. Your Officiant or Minister will often times take the role and read any selected readings also. 

Wedding ceremony readings can come from anyplace, the Bible, poems, movies, books or music - but just don't ask me to sing...it won't' sound pretty.

So, here are some of my favorites - 

The Art of Power 
"The Buddha spoke about four elements that constitute true love: the capacity to be kind and offer happiness, maitri in Sanskrit, compassion, the capacity to relieve suffering, karuna; the capacity to bring joy every day, mudita; and finally, the capacity of nondiscrimination, upeksha. When there is true love, there is nondiscrimination. The pain of the other is our own pain; the happiness of the other is our own happiness...To make our love meaningful, we need to nourish our bodhicitta, our mind of boundless love and compassion...First, we learn to love one person with all our understanding and insight; then we expand that love to embrace another person, and another, until our love is truly boundless."

—Thich Nhat Hanh 

This Marriage 
"May these vows and this marriage be blessed.
May it be sweet milk,
this marriage, like wine and halvah.

May this marriage offer fruit and shade, like the date palm.
May this marriage be full of laughter,
our every day a paradise.
May this marriage be a sign of compassion,
a seal of happiness here and hereafter.

May this marriage have a fair face and a good name,
an omen as welcome
as the moon in a clear blue sky.
I am out of words to describe
how spirit mingles in this marriage."

—Rumi

From The Irrational Season – Madeleine L’Engle
But ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take. It is indeed a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.
To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take. If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation. It takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected.

​Wedding Readings should reflect your love as a couple and should flow with the rest of your wedding ceremony. Be open minded when selecting a reading, something non traditional may be just what you love. 

I usually have two wedding readings within the wedding ceremonies that I write. I like to include one in the beginning that works well with the couples love story and another right after the vows, to give the couple a moment to gather themselves again; vows are emotional!! 

So, here are 3 of my favorite wedding readings for you: