When you think of your wedding ceremony, what do you envision?

This is an important question, sit with it and think on it and then write that down.

For me, I thought of walking down the longest aisle I could find and staring at my future all the while. I thought of standing next to my partner and telling him how much I loved him. I envisioned weepy eyes and all the emotions one could invoke. 

What I got? Well...I got the longest aisle I could find, I did stare at my future the whole time, except I was wondering why he looked green and if he was okay (thank you to his big brother, those drinks the night before didn't sit so well lol). I got all the emotion because I was a crying blubbering mess. I mean the kind of mess where snot is running down your face, and no tissue in the world could be found, where you can hear me sniffle and sob - I mean good lord I couldn't hold it together for the life of me. We had a church wedding and discussed the ceremony with the Pastor. We stuck to tradition because I didn't have Pinterest and we were one of the first in our circle of friends to get married so we had nothing to compare to. We did light a unity candle which was sweet, but we did it because it was tradition, no other reason really. 

And that's where I turn to you, today you have Pinterest, the internet for research and pictures and heck even full blown ceremonies can be found. But put all that aside, look at your answer, what do you see? 

Maybe you see tradition also, and that's awesome. Perhaps you envision laughter and jokes during our wedding ceremony, heck to the yes! Maybe you want to incorporate our love of beer or outdoors or your joint passion for food - let's do all of that! 

Your wedding ceremony can include a unity ceremony, readings, laughter, tears and so much more...or less. That's the point, your wedding ceremony can be a reflection of what you envision and how you see your wedding day beginning. 

Getting married in Michigan is not difficult, but you do need to know the correct steps to follow in order to get legally married in Michigan. 

Did you know that in order to make that marriage legal you must apply for and obtain a marriage license from you local county clerks office? Yep, that's right, you have to have a license to get married...seems crazy, but that's the way of it. Once you've got that marriage license it's only valid for 30 days, you must get married within that 30 day window or, that license expires and you have to apply for it all over again. 

Next step, find someone to sign that marriage license. You can search www.weddingwire.com or www.theknot.com for local Officiant's who are ordained and can perform a legal wedding ceremony. When you reach out to these professional Officiants and Ministers be sure to ask, (1) are they available for your service (2) what are their fee's, all of them including travel and any extra's (3) make an appointment for a phone call so you can hear their voice and get a feeling for their personality, this way you can make sure this is the person you want to stand with, do they fit your vibe and your feeling for your day. 

Now that you've hired your pro Officiant or Minister you can begin working with them to draft a wedding ceremony. That's right, it's their duty to write the ceremony with or for you, every Officiant does this a bit differently, myself I start with an initial questionnaire that you complete and then based on that questionnaire I can draft the ceremony and then email it to you for review and from there we work together to proof it and edit it until it's perfect for you. 

Steps to apply for your marriage  license: 

Your walk down the aisle may look different than you first imagined but the person your meeting at the end of that aisle...we'll that's what it's all about. 

It's a unique time to be planning a wedding...that's an understatement! Don't loose sight of the "why" you are planning a wedding. You're planning this wedding to marry the person you can't live the rest of your life without. You're planning this wedding to celebrate your love and solidify the beginning of the rest of your life together. So while you are busy planning focus on the why and perhaps the rest will fall into place a little more easily. 

As we approach the colder months I encourage you to continue to follow the guidelines for indoor gatherings. Mask up, social distance and get married! 

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I've been asked recently what the gathering guidelines are for weddings. Michigan Department of Health and Human Services has issued updated guidelines on gatherings, here is a direct link to their site: https://www.michigan.gov/coronavirus/0,9753,7-406-98178_98455-541962--,00.html 

I know were all exhausted of hearing about masks and gatherings and guidelines. But, in order for me to keep my ordination I must follow those guidelines. 

Basically, we can gather for your wedding but we have to wear a mask, weather we're indoors or out and socially distancing per household is still required. Venues still have some restrictions on capacity and number of people. See the link for details. 

If you know me you know I'm a people pleaser, so hugs and accommodating people are what I do, but for now, I will best accommodate the safety and health of people by following the guidelines. 

Stay safe and stay well. 

Virtual xoxo, Nichole 

I've been told often throughout my life that I don't have a lot of patience, so much so that I now repeat it. But...it's not really true. I have patience, I can tolerate a lot, but I have boundaries and expectations and sometimes those actions of others test my patience. 

My husband, most would say is a very patient man, he is, but, he is also quiet and reserved, thus the appearance of patience is greater than the actual patience. I know this because I've seen the lack in action. Hey, we've been together for 25 years, I know him and he knows me, very well at this point. 

In marriage, the patience you have and those that you see in others matters. But more so, recognizing the abilities of yourself and your partner matter's more. It doesn't matter the amount of patience you have, what matters is recognizing your abilities and those of your partner. Once you understand each other's thresholds and boundaries then you can begin to have more patience with each other. 

Marriage doesn't take patience, it takes understanding or at least a want to understand. And time, marriage takes time, each day you recognize new things within yourself and your partner and it's that ability to know new things will be discovered that allows you to have patience, to understand you will each change, and during those changes you need to nurture yourself and each other. 

Be kind to yourself and those around you, especially your partner, together you can do most things, with love and understanding you can do all things. 

If you have never been married or attended a wedding ceremony, heck even if you have you may not know how this whole wedding reading thing goes. Let me give a bit of insight as to how to select a reading for your wedding ceremony and who should read it. 

First let's begin at the beginning, what is a wedding ceremony reading? 

When drafting a wedding ceremony script I often reflect on what the couple has told me about their relationship and if there is a reading that fits nicely into this theme. If so, I will add a reading. Sometimes couples want to keep the ceremony short and we don't add a reading. Wedding ceremony readings are optional. 

You can google "wedding ceremony reading" and get so many results that the options seem endless, so how do you pick the right one for you? Well it's simple, start reading them and when you get stuck on one because it resonates with you for reasons unexplainable, or you thing its beautiful and reflects your own thoughts on your relationship then you've found it! As with everything else wedding ceremony related I believe your ceremony reading should reflect your version of love and your version of marriage. I have my favorites but some of my very most favorites have been shown to me by the couple themselves.

Who does the wedding reading? This is a great moment to invite that special person in your life to be a part of your wedding ceremony, to recite a reading you have selected during the ceremony. However, make sure this person is agreeable to the task, present it as an option, public speaking is not everyone's forte or comfort zone, so be sensitive to their own abilities and comforts when asking. Your Officiant or Minister will often times take the role and read any selected readings also. 

Wedding ceremony readings can come from anyplace, the Bible, poems, movies, books or music - but just don't ask me to sing...it won't' sound pretty.

So, here are some of my favorites - 

The Art of Power 
"The Buddha spoke about four elements that constitute true love: the capacity to be kind and offer happiness, maitri in Sanskrit, compassion, the capacity to relieve suffering, karuna; the capacity to bring joy every day, mudita; and finally, the capacity of nondiscrimination, upeksha. When there is true love, there is nondiscrimination. The pain of the other is our own pain; the happiness of the other is our own happiness...To make our love meaningful, we need to nourish our bodhicitta, our mind of boundless love and compassion...First, we learn to love one person with all our understanding and insight; then we expand that love to embrace another person, and another, until our love is truly boundless."

—Thich Nhat Hanh 

This Marriage 
"May these vows and this marriage be blessed.
May it be sweet milk,
this marriage, like wine and halvah.

May this marriage offer fruit and shade, like the date palm.
May this marriage be full of laughter,
our every day a paradise.
May this marriage be a sign of compassion,
a seal of happiness here and hereafter.

May this marriage have a fair face and a good name,
an omen as welcome
as the moon in a clear blue sky.
I am out of words to describe
how spirit mingles in this marriage."

—Rumi

From The Irrational Season – Madeleine L’Engle
But ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take. It is indeed a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.
To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take. If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation. It takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected.