April 25th, 2022

Let’s talk about being a wedding Officiant. I offer all sorts of advice and tips to couples on how to have a great ceremony and where and the cost but I have not talked about how to BE a great wedding officiant. 

I’ve been officiating weddings for 14 years and the last 10 years this has been my full time job/passion. I typically perform around 125 weddings each year and I pride myself on the kind words couples have shared about working with me. I believe I have the experience and knowledge to now share with everyone else out there on how to be a great Officiant. 

Let’s begin with my top 5 commandments if you will: 

1. I vow not to speak of myself 
2. I vow to ask the couple to stand close to one another and to hold hands 
3. I vow to ask the couple what they would like for their wedding ceremony
4. I vow to recite the ceremony with warmth and kindness
5. I vow to move out of the way for my entire closing statement including when the couple kisses
   

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1. I vow not to speak of myself - I know, seems obvious, but alas for some it’s not. As the wedding officiant for a couple, they have hired you to perform their wedding ceremony which is a reflection of their love and lives lived up to the point of standing in front of you at the end of that wedding aisle. Now unless you have been their pastor or religious leader and know them intimately, their wedding ceremony is no time to speak of yourself, even if you are their friend or relative. The spotlight should always be on the couple.   
2. I vow to ask the couple to stand close to one another and to hold hands - I can’t tell you the number of wedding’s I’ve been a guest at where the couple is standing what seems like 10 feet apart and I’m all for leaving room for the holy spirt, but this isn’t a middle school dance, this is their wedding day and unless their religion dictates, they should be standing close to one another and holding hands. There’s a few reasons for this; to allow for beautiful pictures and to allow the couple to support one another. It’s a lot standing up there in front of all those people, it can be overwhelming and holding your partners hands, yes even if they're sweaty can be just the reassurance needed.
   
3. I vow to ask the couple what they would like for their wedding ceremony - my fellow Officiants, you can’t possibly write a good wedding ceremony with out asking the basics. What does the couple want in their ceremony? Sometimes they may not know and that’s where your expertise can help them find what is best for them. Do they want to share their love story, their journey to the aisle, do they want to include a family tradition or religious tradition? Ask the questions to allow yourself to writ a ceremony that suites the couple best and for goodness sake, send that draft to the couple before the wedding day! They are paying you to do a job and you want them to be happy.   
4. I vow to recite the ceremony with warmth and kindness - you have a job to do and that includes reciting the wedding ceremony with warmth and kindness not standing and speaking like a robot reading from a screen. Practice the ceremony, say it to your dog, your family anyone who will listen and offer feedback. Practice your tone, the speed of your cadence and invoking emotion. You want the guests to feel drawn in and all warm and fuzzy when you’re done. 
   
5. I vow to move out of the way for my entire closing statement including when the couple kisses - let me repeat…THIS IS NOT A WEDDING ABOUT YOU. Move, give the couple a moment to be without you hovering over them. Allow the photographers to capture a moment without you in the background. I’m sure the couple loves you but they don’t want you hanging on their living room wall, and yes even if you are a friend or family member, trust me, they don’t want your mug in the background when they kiss. Here’s my advice, pick up that whole mic stand and move to stand behind the groomsmen or bridesmaids and recite that whole closing statement from your now secret location. The guests have stared at you this whole time they know who you are so move! And stay hidden until they have reached the other end of the aisle. 

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